whining again

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It was a week with ups and downs. I had forsaken the blog and so I am skeptical that it may just be a phase for me to vent the current status of my life, and Bryan's and Daniel's. I hate the fact that I seem to be in a season of whining. But, it is what it is and as much as I want to fast forward onto the next thing, there is not remote for that. We are still transitioning. The adjustment from fulltime ministry is still happening. Even though I want everything to just move on, and try to will it so, it doesn't help. A day will be going along just fine and then pow, I am hit with the irrational discouraging thoughts. What comes to mind is a spinning top that is in perfect spinning motion and is interupted by some rude person that flicks it out of balance. It wobbles and falls. I have been falling alot lately. And it has been tough to discern when it is the transitional stuff and just my normal mood stuff that happens after finishing art. That has always had a predictable ebb and flow. Like being tired after running a race, I have the letdown after every creative sprint.

But the transitioning of a new way of life is new territory. We are seeking things to give us positive family memories. Experiences and friendships that will help to anchor us to this place called Maryland. There have been moments where it seemed that the best thing was to move...

It has been tough to see how God intended us to come to Maryland for one purpose, only to have that purpose change in such a short period of time. He has his reasons, and we try to see what they are in each moment. Surrender has been hard. I guess because our expectation had somehow taken over our willingness to serve. Or maybe what we thought serving looked like has changed.

Ultimately I think it is all healthy. I just don't like the saddness when it blindsides me. And the world is so much bigger, and there are those with so much greater troubles than my little issues. Ah well, each day needs to be its own. I shouldn't force it. The new things will become familiar soon enough.

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This page contains a single entry by Blair published on July 19, 2004 9:57 AM.

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