recovering and then off

| No Comments

I feel like I have been through a time tunnel that has totally knocked me off my center. December 23rd I was celebrating a lovely creativity infused christmas of art and music with my little family and now I am recovering from some sort of cold/stomach ache bug. In between was the trip to Alberta, full of other family dynamics that left me stripped bare emotionally as well as physically. I guess I should have known that reading Dance of the Dissident Daughter while visiting the buckle of the bible belt would be a little over the top, but I don't claim to be a wise woman. Lots of chatting with numerous people with little time for reflection leaves me with an exhausted hollow feeling. At any rate, I must now collect myself so that I can at least appear sane as I plunge into the next extraverted activity which I leave for on Sunday.

This one I am really looking forward to.

Off I go to Arizona Conversations, a small somewhat unpretentious gathering of women lead by my friend Sally Morganthaller. All women in leadership positions the purpose is to gather and gain wisdom from each other without the typical pecking order hierarchy that exists in most male orchestrated conferences. When it comes to those settings I tend to find that my behavior polarizes to either very assertive in order to be heard which later makes me feel utterly foolish, or completely fading into the wallpaper because everyone else seems smarter than me or has more clout so "who am I" which leaves me very frustrated afterward that I didn't pipe up and speak my mind-I have something to say dammit!

Both of these states leave me unsettled in my own skin, and emotionally depleted. I think that is what top down hierarchical models foster. That is why I am really looking forward to this trip. It is intentionally different. This gathering there is the assumption that every woman is valued and therefore there is no need for posturing. So I don't feel the need to "ramp up". In fact, I anticipate coming back refreshed and bolstered for all the decisions that lay ahead in 2006. I hope to gain the momentum found in confidence that equips you to make those choices without hesitation.

But for this moment I must simply recover from the last trip, get well, and feel like myself again. Which means that today even though there is oodles of work to do, artists work to upload, collections to finish, and an article deadline that has already passed, I will be spending some much needed time in reflection to center myself.

Then I am off.

Leave a comment

October 2010

Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
          1 2
3 4 5 6 7 8 9
10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30


About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Blair published on January 6, 2006 11:11 AM.

cracking was the previous entry in this blog.

2005 recap is the next entry in this blog.

Find recent content on the main index or look in the archives to find all content.